I’m a big fan of NLP. And for many reasons…which I won’t bore you with here.
Instead, I’ll tell you just one: Through extensive research Richard Bandler & John Grinder made sense of some of the most complex questions we have about what makes people achieve greatness at certain things.
And a large part of their findings had to do with language; both the language that we use when speaking to others as well as the dialogue we have with ourselves in our minds.
Today I want to share 3 simple NLP language techniques that you can start using right now to influence, persuade and gain compliance .
#1 Mind Shift
Too often we are faced with the problem of having to deal with a subject whose line of thinking seems to be stuck in one direction. Unless you know how to shift that person’s mind flow, you will have to wait until he finishes with what he has to say. Sometimes, it’s better to interrupt and then shift the issue at hand so you can accomplish your goals faster. It’s not that I’m encouraging you to not listen to your subject.
What I am emphasizing is that you have to learn to stealthily shift the conversation to your target issue or topic so you can lead the subject more easily to where you really want to go. You can do this by using the redefine pattern.
When can you use the redefine pattern? Here are some instances where this NLP pattern would be most useful:
1. When you find yourself in an endless argument with someone who doesn’t seem to want to back down from a single issue.
2. When you encounter an invalid or stalling objection.
3. When the subject seems to be talking about something that is not even remotely related to the target issues.
4. When you want to ask someone out on a date but the other person is talking about something else.
As you can see from the list, the redefine pattern can be used in business and even in the most basic of personal interactions with other people. It can be used in everyday situations. The pattern itself is also very easy to remember:
“The real issue here is not (A), it’s (B) and because of that…”
The (A) variable represents the non-target topic or issue while the (B) variable is the new topic or issue that you want to open up.
# 2 Agreement Frames
One of the biggest problems in the field of influence is that we can’t influence a subject if the subject doesn’t even want to listen in the first place. We can’t execute any of our brilliant plans if the other party is ignoring or worse, being defensive to the point that he is no longer capable of listening to any logical argument. In such instances, you can use an agreement frame to ensure compliance – and I can assure you, the subject won’t even know why he has complied with you and why he has chosen to consciously listen to what you have to say.
As you can see, this particular NLP pattern will work on creative thinkers and logical thinkers alike. No matter what kind of mindset the subject has, it would work. An agreement frame allows a person to agree with another person but at the same time he would be able to add elements that are completely opposite to what the other person is actually saying. It sounds a little crazy straight from the page but trust me – this is classical neuro linguistic programming at its best. Before I reveal the pattern to you, I have to remind you at this point in time that no pattern will be effective unless your vocal skills are supporting what you want to accomplish.
Your voice has to be just as influential and persuasive as your words. Most influencers get too excited and rush the words as they come to mind. Don’t do this anymore because it reduces the effectiveness of your message.
Transform that energy and excitement into a deep and slow cadence so that the other person would easily absorb and process the information coming from you.
Now that we’ve discussed that, let’s proceed with the pattern. This pattern is just as easy as the previous NLP pattern I discussed with you.
The basic formula is “I agree and would like to add that _____”. Notice that you will be using “and” instead of the more usual “but”.
You will be using “and” because it cues the other person to listen intently at what you have to say. If you use “but”, that would cue the subject to be defensive because you are about to drop something negative. Try this pattern and see how it actually encourages people to listen to views that are different from theirs.
#3 Yes Sets
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a language pattern that you can use that would make people say “yes” even if they haven’t really thought about what they agreed upon? Well, since you are an ethical fellow who probably won’t use such a pattern to cause harm to anyone, I’m going to share it with you in this section. You may have heard of “yes sets” elsewhere; it has been around for decades and it has only been revived recently when the interest in influence persuasion increased. A “yes set” is actually a line of statements that pace and lead people to say “yes!”.
Pacing and leading are basic skills of hypnotherapists and NLP trainers. You will be able to pace and lead someone if basic rapport has already been established. If not, you have to go back to square one because people won’t respond to a yes set if they haven’t an idea why they should trust you in the first place. “Yes sets” can be quite effective because they lead a person to believe that everything that is contained within a statement is true.
Here’s an example:
“As you are reading the words on this page, taking in all the useful information, you are feeling more and more relaxed.”
Did you get the formula just by reading the sample sentence? If not, that’s alright, here’s the explanation: a yes set is a statement that is usually comprised by three elements. Two elements in the statement are true and can be easily verified by the senses (taste, smell, sight, touch, hearing) while the third element can either be true or false.
But since it’s a yes set, the person would agree twice in a row and he would most likely accept the third element as true, too. This NLP pattern works well because it latches on cleanly to the cross-referencing tendency of the subconscious mind.
As you are reading this post, remembering these lessons, you will feel the need to practice these methods at least 10 minutes every day to get the best results.